"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
