Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
