if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
