You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
