Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
