I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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