I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You took a bar mat shot.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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