my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Pants are for mortals
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
