I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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