My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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