see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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