the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
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level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
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I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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