She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
