When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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