Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
