I can text with my tongue
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
