Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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