I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
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I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
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just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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