i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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