Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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