okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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