i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
