i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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