You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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