mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
