he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
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The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
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But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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