My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize