I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
