his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
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where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
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This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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