We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
