I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
