I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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