A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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