i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I just want nice things and good sex
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
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