It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
