i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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