are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Randomize
