dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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