my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
