Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
