you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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