her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
