the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
