If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Randomize
