Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Randomize
