and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize