I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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