I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
