Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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