I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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