Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
