You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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