So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
he fucked my hip out of place.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
