woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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