And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
