Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
this boner is exhausting
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
