They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
